I have issues with food! Or am I just a pack rat?
Tonight I sat in the parking lot of husband's work and nearly cried over wanting a slice of Pizza. Oy Vey!!!! I am three days into my latest foray into the wonderful world of weight watchers. I have done this before, and I always lose weight the first couple of weeks before I decide I just can't handle all the thought about food it requires and give up, admittedly a few pounds lighter for my trouble. So, knowing I have always lost weight on this program, here I go again. I paid $55 for three months access to the website, which I love. I reorganized my pantry into a good and bad shelf, and labeled everything with point values using a sharpie. One and a half days in, Husband gave up- he decided that if I was following the plan, that would naturally cut down his food and point intake and so he didn't really have to worry. He does still ask if this is good or should he have that... But tonight he is having Pizza Hut for dinner.
He eats there just about every week one night while he is at work. I usually pick it up for him because the coupon deals are better for carryout. And so, tonight I dutifully got in the car and picked up his two med. sausage pizzas and single order of breadsticks. You see, with the coupon two pizzas were actually a dollar cheaper than just one, and the breadsticks were free- we had a coupon. And it smelled SOOOO good!!!
I wanted some so bad. And husband said we should just start working out and not worry about food, and in the end I went home with two breadsticks, sauce and a slice of pizza- sans sausage (yuk). It was SOOOO good!!! And then I started to clean up and noticed I never finished my three point soda from earlier. It was only a little more than half gone and all watery by now, so I threw it out and gave myself a point back. And husband ate half my Mac and Cheese when I had dinner, so gave myself a few points back for that too. And in the end, the pizza and breadsticks only ended up costing me 3 of my weekly flex points. and that is what they are for.
I hate feeling like I'm depriving myself of something. Who would purposely look at the food in front of them, (or anything for that matter that they possessed) and say "I don't think I'll keep this. I don't want it." Of course I want it, it's pizza! It's the three extra pillows I have sitting in my closet because I have no other space for them. It's the four trash cans in the living room because the new one is prettier than the first. It's the pfaltzgraff dishes I saw at an antique store for $2 a piece and reminded me of good food and my grandmother (don't ask me why- I do not recall my grandmother owning any such dishes) and although I have used them exactly once in the last six months, they still occupy an entire shelf of my tiny and lacking kitchen cabinet space. So, am I just a packrat? I love stuff. I love what I have, and I never think i need more, but sometimes stuff just shows up and seems to fill an emotional hole somewhere (i.e. I now own a dozen of those stupid mugs with garfield one them- my grandmother always served me tea in those kinds of mugs). You see this stuff everywhere, but I better buy it now, cuz I may never see it again! So am I a food packrat?! Eat it now, you may not have the chance again. Like every Pizza Hut on the planet is going to implode tomorrow and I'll never taste that sauce again. I felt as though if I denied myself that pizza, I was hurting myself. And even though as I was thinking it, the other side of my brain was going "What the @#!* is wrong with you?!" I still felt it. And maybe admitting I have a problem is the first step to recovery.
I'm going to go work out now- for thirty minutes to earn another two points so I can have pudding for desert. ;-)
He eats there just about every week one night while he is at work. I usually pick it up for him because the coupon deals are better for carryout. And so, tonight I dutifully got in the car and picked up his two med. sausage pizzas and single order of breadsticks. You see, with the coupon two pizzas were actually a dollar cheaper than just one, and the breadsticks were free- we had a coupon. And it smelled SOOOO good!!!
I wanted some so bad. And husband said we should just start working out and not worry about food, and in the end I went home with two breadsticks, sauce and a slice of pizza- sans sausage (yuk). It was SOOOO good!!! And then I started to clean up and noticed I never finished my three point soda from earlier. It was only a little more than half gone and all watery by now, so I threw it out and gave myself a point back. And husband ate half my Mac and Cheese when I had dinner, so gave myself a few points back for that too. And in the end, the pizza and breadsticks only ended up costing me 3 of my weekly flex points. and that is what they are for.
I hate feeling like I'm depriving myself of something. Who would purposely look at the food in front of them, (or anything for that matter that they possessed) and say "I don't think I'll keep this. I don't want it." Of course I want it, it's pizza! It's the three extra pillows I have sitting in my closet because I have no other space for them. It's the four trash cans in the living room because the new one is prettier than the first. It's the pfaltzgraff dishes I saw at an antique store for $2 a piece and reminded me of good food and my grandmother (don't ask me why- I do not recall my grandmother owning any such dishes) and although I have used them exactly once in the last six months, they still occupy an entire shelf of my tiny and lacking kitchen cabinet space. So, am I just a packrat? I love stuff. I love what I have, and I never think i need more, but sometimes stuff just shows up and seems to fill an emotional hole somewhere (i.e. I now own a dozen of those stupid mugs with garfield one them- my grandmother always served me tea in those kinds of mugs). You see this stuff everywhere, but I better buy it now, cuz I may never see it again! So am I a food packrat?! Eat it now, you may not have the chance again. Like every Pizza Hut on the planet is going to implode tomorrow and I'll never taste that sauce again. I felt as though if I denied myself that pizza, I was hurting myself. And even though as I was thinking it, the other side of my brain was going "What the @#!* is wrong with you?!" I still felt it. And maybe admitting I have a problem is the first step to recovery.
I'm going to go work out now- for thirty minutes to earn another two points so I can have pudding for desert. ;-)
posted by Wishiwerebella at 8:56 PM
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