Not so bad!

Maybe if I hadn't left my last post up as the last post for so long, it wouldn't have gotten the reaction it did, which was for every female relative I have to tell me to quit. I had a bad week and in blog-world it was magnified a bit I guess. I get yelled at alot in my job, some days more than others and that week was a more week. Things have since calmed down and really, my job is not bad. I have put in to go Part-Time, because I don't LOVE work. But this week I am mentoring and the love I feel from my mentees is totally nice. And I'm only on day two. But, they all adore me, even the ones other people are mentoring seem to like me. I'm on a "They like me, they really like me!" Kind of high and it feels good. If I get to go part time, I prolly only hafta go into work two days a week, three max and that would be so cool cuz I LOVE being at home.

So, in conclusion, my job doesn't suck that bad. It has its stressful moments, but I have vented and moved on. Thank you all for your concern!

I hate my job

I think I have only posted the funny stories, the ones that are really worth telling. I don't think I get on here and tell the whole truth about how crummy my job really is. It is a frustrating, unbearable nightmare of a workng environment, where noone can make a decision and when you step up and do make one it is criticized to death. It's not that I'm having a bad day or week or month, it's that I have a bad job. Even before I was a supervisor, I hated it. I thought maybe I needed a change of pace. And I was doing okay for awhile. But at some point, I have to ocunt the number of nights a week my job makes me cry, and I have to account for how ever fiber of my being resists me putting on the uniform and getting in the car. Maybe if I had a weeks vacation, I could calm down and survive a bit longer. But noone will pick up my shifts. Noone. I'm now trying to decide between going part time and finding another job. The AZ Senate had a Constituent Service job posted, but I found it three days past the deadline for applying and have received no replies to my inquiry about whether the job is stil available. It would have been perfect.

Free flights is a great benefit, but its so not worth it if I can't get the time off to fly anywhere, or if working makes me sick with how bad I don't want to be there. Really, I am not in a good mental space right now when it comes to work. I just can't stand the thought that I have to go back to that place again tomorrow. And for three more days in a row after that. Oh, and my buddy bidder bailed, so now I don't have off for a friend's wedding in two weeks. It just sucks and I'm not sure I can do this job much longer. It's so frustrating to be doing everything right and still have people yelling at me. All week, every agent around me has said "You did everything right, you were nicer than I would have been!" and still I'm constantly yelled at by every jerk in the place. Every guy who can't tell time, didn't run fast enough or just wants a free ride and thinks he can get it by yelling louder. It's too stressful for me. I don't enjoy time with my husband anymore because all I can think about is how bad I don't wanna go back and how useless my job is. If I left, noone would care. Some other newby would step up and be the one to get cursed at all day. People in this world have no concept of human decency, self-discipline or self-responsibility. If the rest of the real world is anything like what I've experienced at the airport, I'm so ready to curl up in a ball in my bedroom and not come out again.

P.S. Mom- consider this fair warning that flight benefits are subject to change. ;-) I am officially job hunting elsewhere.

In Memory

Five years ago today, I was a freshman in college. I was young and idealistic; classes had started just three weeks before. As my dad drove me to school, we heard the usually funny radio guys talking in hushed, somber tones. No one really new what was happening yet. The towers had been hit by a plane, and it was all still unclear what was going on. When I arrived at work everyone else had been there so long, they hadn't heard anything. They didn't believe me until the University sent a Big Screen TV into the middle of the Dining Hall, so everyone could watch as these important events unfolded.
I wasn't watching the TV as the first tower fell, live, on television. I was watching the people. The reaction was one of horror and sadness. The entire crowd drew back and took a deep breath in unison. I knew something bad was happening.
As the day went on, classes were cancelled. University President Likins was going to make a speech on the lawn, and all the students on campus were drawn there to hear what he had to say. Looking around me on that lawn, everyone looked so sad, so humbled by these events. Behind me sat a girl surrounded by three friends. She had her cellphone in her hands and was wailing. She was frantic- unable to get ahold of her family members in New York, and sure that someone had died. The look on her face... The sound of her voice... Certainly I will never forget. None of us will.
In the days following the attacks, the university posted a great wall of poster boards. Anyone could write whatever they wanted. It was an incredible memorial and tribute to those who lost their lives. It was a key part of our community's healing process.

Today I am older, hopefully a little wiser, though still young and idealistic and with my whole life ahead of me. If nothing else, the events of that day taught me to cherish the life I have and the people I have in it. Today I will walk into work at Sky Harbor International Airport and try my best to treat this as any other day. I will try to forget the fear that that day inspires in so many of us. I will smile at the passengers and the security personnel at the checkpoint and take deep breaths as I walk the concourses. I will do all this because 9/11 taught me that no matter what, we must carry on. That is the greatest tribute we can offer to those who died. We must carry on.

I have issues with food! Or am I just a pack rat?

Tonight I sat in the parking lot of husband's work and nearly cried over wanting a slice of Pizza. Oy Vey!!!! I am three days into my latest foray into the wonderful world of weight watchers. I have done this before, and I always lose weight the first couple of weeks before I decide I just can't handle all the thought about food it requires and give up, admittedly a few pounds lighter for my trouble. So, knowing I have always lost weight on this program, here I go again. I paid $55 for three months access to the website, which I love. I reorganized my pantry into a good and bad shelf, and labeled everything with point values using a sharpie. One and a half days in, Husband gave up- he decided that if I was following the plan, that would naturally cut down his food and point intake and so he didn't really have to worry. He does still ask if this is good or should he have that... But tonight he is having Pizza Hut for dinner.

He eats there just about every week one night while he is at work. I usually pick it up for him because the coupon deals are better for carryout. And so, tonight I dutifully got in the car and picked up his two med. sausage pizzas and single order of breadsticks. You see, with the coupon two pizzas were actually a dollar cheaper than just one, and the breadsticks were free- we had a coupon. And it smelled SOOOO good!!!

I wanted some so bad. And husband said we should just start working out and not worry about food, and in the end I went home with two breadsticks, sauce and a slice of pizza- sans sausage (yuk). It was SOOOO good!!! And then I started to clean up and noticed I never finished my three point soda from earlier. It was only a little more than half gone and all watery by now, so I threw it out and gave myself a point back. And husband ate half my Mac and Cheese when I had dinner, so gave myself a few points back for that too. And in the end, the pizza and breadsticks only ended up costing me 3 of my weekly flex points. and that is what they are for.

I hate feeling like I'm depriving myself of something. Who would purposely look at the food in front of them, (or anything for that matter that they possessed) and say "I don't think I'll keep this. I don't want it." Of course I want it, it's pizza! It's the three extra pillows I have sitting in my closet because I have no other space for them. It's the four trash cans in the living room because the new one is prettier than the first. It's the pfaltzgraff dishes I saw at an antique store for $2 a piece and reminded me of good food and my grandmother (don't ask me why- I do not recall my grandmother owning any such dishes) and although I have used them exactly once in the last six months, they still occupy an entire shelf of my tiny and lacking kitchen cabinet space. So, am I just a packrat? I love stuff. I love what I have, and I never think i need more, but sometimes stuff just shows up and seems to fill an emotional hole somewhere (i.e. I now own a dozen of those stupid mugs with garfield one them- my grandmother always served me tea in those kinds of mugs). You see this stuff everywhere, but I better buy it now, cuz I may never see it again! So am I a food packrat?! Eat it now, you may not have the chance again. Like every Pizza Hut on the planet is going to implode tomorrow and I'll never taste that sauce again. I felt as though if I denied myself that pizza, I was hurting myself. And even though as I was thinking it, the other side of my brain was going "What the @#!* is wrong with you?!" I still felt it. And maybe admitting I have a problem is the first step to recovery.
I'm going to go work out now- for thirty minutes to earn another two points so I can have pudding for desert. ;-)